leaver

Posted: December 23rd, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Poetry | No Comments »

You swirl in your color
Bright lights and shinny music
With your hair down
Like boys can do
Not just you
And you make your happiness
Not set out for two

You have it all alone
And unto yourself
Where am I
Alone in my house?
Absolutely not
But it feels like it

Who could you be?
Cept’ not the person I see
Always
Confused and in
Proximity
To the unearthed truth
That you are not mine

When will I realize?
Will time keep marching on
Without that burst of
Clarity?
Will you keep using me
For what I am not
And only to you seem?

Everyone else knows
I am me
But you think
I am yours for
Destruction
You will destroy me
Alone forever into fire
The fire that springs up
At your death

And where are you now?
Not with me
Somewhere else
Somewhere in infinity
Making juice with others
I am out in the cold
I have found no other home
Where are you?
Not in my bed
Not in your home
Just in my head
And out fucking alone
With tons of people

How can I not mourn you?
How can I find the place
In my head where
It is ok to live without
You?
I don’t know if that place
Exists
But it must
Because I was me
Before you

So what
Should I stray
Forget
Roam?
But I can’t kill you
I don’t even want to try
You will always be
In my mind’s eye
I cannot unclench my hands
Though they are turning red and white
With effort and failing strength

I am spinning spinning
About to vomit
Regurgitate the slim
Of my

American relationship.



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