meaningless

Posted: December 26th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Fiction | 1 Comment »

here’s another story i wrote a really long time ago. enjoy-

He was my first (not ever, but meaningless) and I wondered, but somehow knew he wouldn’t be my last. I remembered a lot about it. How we talked for an hour without touching about nothing but our favorite band before he got the nerve to touch me. How he asked before he did anything. The way he carried me into his bed. How thin his lips were. How his kiss was strangely erotic. How his hairy chest felt so nice rubbing against my bare breasts. How he asked me if I “wanted him inside of me”. How I had to pull him into me. How our love making was so quiet. How our bodies moved together so eloquently like we had had years of practice together. How the loudest sound was a quiet push of air from his chest when he came. How he got up to turn the heater off when I said I was hot. How he looked so disappointed when I said I had to go and walked out before he could say anything. These things are very clear in my memory now, but I know they will fade.

The next day he told me he was going home over winter break but he wanted to get back as soon as possible. I spent the whole vacation wondering what could become between the two of us. Students slowly came back home after Christmas. His roommates returned without him. When I asked, they said he had gotten back with his ex. The news was not that surprising but made my skin and my mind go numb. I was nothing but a wake up call to what he didn’t want in his life. When he finally arrived back home the day before school started back, I acted casual to ward off any awkwardness. He still pursues me when he’s drunk, but now he apologizes when he’s sober.


flowers

Posted: June 1st, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Fiction | 2 Comments »

this is really old, like fresh out of high school old. i haven’t written anything is a long time unfortunately so go easy.

Sometimes Flowers Aren’t Enough

From the first time I saw Emma I knew I had to have her. No matter how cliché and over used it sounds it was perfectly true with her. I first saw her sitting on a bench in the mall reading a book after the mall had closed. I was closing up the store I worked for and stopped with the keys in my hand and just stared. Before I could break myself from this allure she had over me another girl stepped out of the mall book store and Emma looking up hearing the other girl approaching, stood, and together they walked away from me through the mall’s main entrance. When the doors shut behind her I felt like I had been hit in the chest and I was unable to breathe for a moment. The next day I went to the book store to look for the girl Emma had left with. She introduced herself as Alice and I asked her if she’d like to hang out sometime. I could tell by the way she answered that she assumed all I wanted was to fuck, but she gave me her number anyway. That night I called and asked if we could hang out at her place, hoping that Emma would be there. I told her that I was having troubles at my place and it was pretty high in drama. She said it was cool, so I got directions and set a time.

Sean was very attractive. But it was Alice who he wanted, I thought. I had made a promise to myself that I would NEVER go after someone that wanted one of my friends first because if they ever came to me that would mean they were settling for me and I am not going to just be some settling component. So I was nice to him, but that was it. When he came over I would say hi casually but I would never get entwined in conversation with him because honestly I just found him too attractive and I did not want to break my promise to myself. Besides, from what Alice would tell me after he left, he was “totally up her butt” and “always asked to come over because he wanted her all to himself and didn’t even want anyone else to see her because he was afraid someone might take her away from him.” And I believed her, she seemed pretty sure of herself. He was really polite to me. He always seemed really excited when I walked into the room to get something but I assumed that was just to impress Alice that he could get along with her friends, because I tried to do that when I liked a guy. Then one day he just kind of moved in. He slept in the living room though, not in Alice’s room. That was odd to me, and when I asked about it, Alice just said, “He’s weird about sharing a bed.” When I thought about it, I had never seen them kiss or do anything physical and he’d been hanging around for about a month. Then one night I heard them having an argument in the living room. I didn’t want to listen but she was being so loud I was pretty much forced to. “Why don’t you want to fuck me? What’s wrong with you!?” I couldn’t hear what he said, but I guess it wasn’t what she wanted because she left slamming the door screaming, “Well I can find someone who wants to!” Two hours later, I woke up with his fingers inside me.

I rubbed her a little, then when I saw her start to wake, I quickly moved inside. I wanted to feel her insides; I needed them to be on my fingertips. It was dark but there was a little light coming in from the street light outside her window, enough to make at least my outline visible so she could see who I was. “Sean, what are you doing?” She said quickly moving up, my fingers slipping out of her. She had been sleeping naked and now her whole body was in the spread of the light . I whispered something about how beautiful she was and she replied by telling me how I was just trying to get back at Alice because we had had a fight. “No,” I said, “It’s you I want Emma, I haven’t touched Alice.” She called me a liar and stood to get away from me. I grabbed her leg and pulled her back down and sat on her waist. “Emma, listen. I need you.” She struggled, so I started to choke her. I choked her hard to the point of her gasping for air. I eased up when I thought she was about to pass out but still held her neck so she wouldn’t try to fight. I slowly pulled a knife out of my pocket and put the cold metal to the side. I knew that wasn’t necessary because Emma wasn’t a fighter. She was a pleaser, but I wanted the dramatic affect of danger. “Lick me,” I said as I moved onto her chest and took off my shirt and pants. She took me into her mouth and moved her head back and forth. “Use your hands too,” I told her, “and if you try to bite me I’ll cut out your fucking…” I paused. I couldn’t think of anything to say and I was about to come so I just let the sentence trail off. I didn’t want to come already, so I moved back off of her. “Turn over on all fours and spread you legs. And say ‘Sean, eat my ass’.” She was trembling and on the verge of crying, I could tell she really didn’t want to break down, she wanted to prove to herself and me she could be strong. “Emma you are not playing very nicely, if you do not tell me what you want I’m going to assume you want it.” I grabbed her back and began to lick her from back to front. She was still dry, I thought I would be able to make her break down and like it by now but she was still god damn dry. “Say ‘fuck my ass Sean’, say it Emma.” Now this was her breaking point. This was something she did not want to happen. She began to sob. “Say it or I’ll just do it.,” I said calmly. “Please don’t,” she begged, “please please.” She now turned around and grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the face with my knife against her stomach. “Please please,” she pleaded over and over, “I will do anything you want and I’ll like it, I’ll try anything anything…please no please.” She put her arms around me and stuck her wet face to my chest. I smiled and took her face in my hands and made her look at me again. “Anything? And like it?” I asked. “Yes yes just not that, please not that.” God she was so fucking beautiful in that completely desperate moment. I simply said “okay” and it was as if a magic switch had been turned on. She stopped crying and starting kissing me deeply as if I was a long lost lover she had just been reunited with. She pushed me down onto the floor and climbed on top and began to ride me. It was the best sex I had ever had and it went on all night, until finally with our bodies so sore and tired, we both collapsed into a dream void sleep. When I woke up the next morning I quickly picked her up and sat her on me. I sat up so we were both sitting up facing each other. “Emma, I’m in love with you, do you understand that?” She just looked at me her eyes drowsy but alert. “I knew that would make you understand, I had to do that to make you understand, because I knew if you could just feel the way I felt the first moment I saw you, you would feel the same way. This is the most perfect moment ever and I want it to last forever. Do you understand that? Don’t you feel that too?” She looked at me for a moment, then laid her head on my chest, her breath still taken away from the night before.


monogamy

Posted: April 5th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Society | 1 Comment »

Paulo Coelho just posted a blog about this, I found it pretty interesting- So is sexual monogomy actually possible in humans?

Here are some parts of the article by Natalie Angier The New York Times ( Tuesday, March 25, 2008)

Sexual promiscuity is rampant throughout nature, and true faithfulness a fond fantasy. Oh, there are plenty of animals in which males and females team up to raise young, as we do, that form "pair bonds" of impressive endurance and apparent mutual affection, spending hours reaffirming their partnership by snuggling together like prairie voles or singing hooty, doo-wop love songs like gibbons, or dancing goofily like blue-footed boobies.

Yet as biologists have discovered through the application of DNA paternity tests to the offspring of these bonded pairs, social monogamy is very rarely accompanied by sexual, or genetic, monogamy. Assay the kids in a given brood, whether of birds, voles, lesser apes, foxes or any other pair-bonding species, and anywhere from 10 to 70 percent will prove to have been sired by somebody other than the resident male.

As David Barash, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, put it with Cole Porter flair: Infants have their infancy; adults, adultery. Barash, who wrote "The Myth of Monogamy" with his psychiatrist-wife, Judith Eve Lipton, cited a scene from the movie "Heartburn" in which a Nora Ephronesque character complains to her father about her husband’s philanderings and the father quips that if she’d wanted fidelity, she should have married a swan. Fat lot of good that would have done her, Barash said: we now know that swans can cheat, too. Instead, the heroine might have considered union with Diplozoon paradoxum, a flatworm that lives in gills of freshwater fish. "Males and females meet each other as adolescents, and their bodies literally fuse together, whereupon they remain faithful until death," Barash said. "That’s the only species I know of in which there seems to be 100 percent monogamy." And where the only hearts burned belong to the unlucky host fish.

Even the "oldest profession" that figured so prominently in Spitzer’s demise is old news. Nonhuman beings have been shown to pay for sex, too. A male shrike provisions his mate with so-called nuptial gifts: rodents, lizards, small birds or large insects that he impales on sticks. But when the male shrike hankers after extracurricular sex, he will offer a would-be mistress an even bigger kebab than the ones he gives to his wife — for the richer the offering, the researchers found, the greater the chance that the female will agree to a fly-by-night fling.

Significantly, males adjust their grooming behavior in a distinctly economic fashion, paying a higher or lower price depending on the availability and quality of the merchandise and competition from other buyers.

Commonplace though adultery may be, and as avidly as animals engage in it when given the opportunity, nobody seems to approve of it in others, and humans are hardly the only species that will rise up in outrage against wantonness real or perceived. Most female baboons have lost half an ear here, a swatch of pelt there, to the jealous fury of their much larger and toothier mates.


euthanasia

Posted: March 17th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Government | 1 Comment »

how does everyone feel about it?

here’s an interesting article- http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23283804-2,00.html


book list

Posted: December 6th, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Fiction | 1 Comment »

I wasn’t really sure what topic to post this under but I was wondering if we could kinda get a book club/ reading list thing going on. I find that the best books I read are the ones that are passed on by others. So i suppose i’ll start-

The Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield (although fictional it’s quite enlightening)
All the post secret book by Frank Warren (delightful when you want something lighter)
The Zahir by Paulo Coelho (He’s the best but this is by far my favorite book by him)
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (such a classic)

I could go on but I’ll stop for other peoples recommendations.


Mayan Calendar

Posted: December 4th, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Anthropology | 6 Comments »

It’s a little long (5 1/2 hrs)but it is interesting.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6681910439634411366&q=mayan+calendar&total=538&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=3