the unfuckables

Posted: October 1st, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

this post got fucked up, but it’s definately worth reading anyway imo.

so here’s the original article, the comments are the funniest part, knock yourselves out.

ps it’s about horrible dating tactics. and they are hilarious. feel free to share your own stories or tell me what you think. on the plus side, a lot of these women mention men who wanted them to do something kinky that i want to do, so that’s a good sign ;) )

(fill in the number of your choice here): The correct responses to hearing ‘Sorry, I have a girlfriend’ when you’re trying to flirt with a woman do not include ‘Awesome!’, ‘Is she hot?’ or ‘She can come on the date, too!’. Ever.

http://jezebel.com/tag/-the-unfuckables/

there were so many comments that there is a sequel on the site.

okay sigh here are a couple of my faves

Don’t take me behind a Shell station on the first (set-up) date to score crack while asking "So, where do you wanna go next?" Um, home, please!
Actually don’t do this on any date

#782, Do not kiss us with your lizard-tongue action and then expect our relationship to go any further.

559. do not, after arriving at our date to find me reading faulkner, say "i don’t like to read books that challenge me." [HORRORS!!!]

[eeew:] do not tell my friends when you meet them how you are going to get me pregnant

when we do have sex do not tell me you are trying to get me pregnant and its ok because you’re mom will raise it

412. Do not wait until you have actually successfully gotten me naked to tell me that you are a born again christian and that the Bible has a prohibition against giving women oral sex (but umm that part about not sleeping with women youre not married to seems to be optional)
Really that actually happened.

Don’t tell me swallowing cum is actually really healthy for me. If it’s that great, put it in a protein shake and drink it your damn self.

Do not tell me that the rape charge was "only" a date rape thing, and she totally wanted it. Happened to me in university, still get skeeved by it.

don’t ask me "are you a clean girl?"
Yes I am, I showered 5 minutes ago. And no, you won’t talk your way out of using a condom.

Addendum to 2 (a): A moonlit walk on the promenade is not the time to share your thoughts on the Holocaust being a hoax. In fact, there is no time for that ever ever ever.

Addendum to 2 (b): Sharing that you were "practically raised" by your Puerto Rican nanny will not endear you to me. Even if I were Puerto Rican.

31. Don’t tell me you can "fuck me like a pornstar" because I don’t want a penis stabbed down my throat till my eyes almost pop out.

On the first date, don’t get drunk, tell me you think I’d make a great dominatrix, and then, when I change the subject, start addressing me as "Mistress."

"What are you reading?"
"Journal articles."
"What kind of journal articles?"
"Neuroscience."
"You don’t _look_ like a neuroscientist."
"I’m traveling incognito."
"Is that, like, a neuroscience thing?"

33. Do not try to pick up a black woman by saying, "Hey, I’m going to a rap concert tonight! Hope I don’t get shot!" ::finger guns::

Don’t tell me that you have a photo album filled with ziploc baggies of your ex girlfriends’ panties.

84. When curious about my ethicity, do not phrase the question as "So what are you?"
[someone responded: this happens to me so often, my automatic response is ‘a robot’]

If you’re a man who has been chatting up a girl for less than 10 minutes, it is not the appropriate time to ask her if she would let you wear her knickers and call you "Cynthia."

Hey, you look like an Obama supporter. I really don’t like that guy."
Some douchebag interrupted me mid-dance moves to try that one out on me.

45026: Don’t tell me you don’t "believe" in voting or that you don’t vote or haven’t ever voted. Unless you’d vote for McCain! ;-)

#48,346: Don’t ask me why I’m still single.

#48,347: Don’t tell me why I’m still single.

#48,348: (older men) Don’t tell me I need to be "trained" or otherwise made to conform to your narrow view of what makes a woman "wife material".

Don’t tell me that you are "choosy" and only ever fuck "high-class" women….and that is why you don’t need to wear a condom. (sorry, changed my mind)

The first time we’re getting it on, don’t tell me that next time I have to buy the condom.


Don’t take off your shirt after two beers and stand around looking as if you just pulled a Bernini nude out of your ass.

and takes the motherfucking cake:

Don’t assume I like rap music because my skin is brown and I have cornrow braids.

Don’t change the jukebox in a country-western themed bar to Aerosmith/RunDMC "Walk This Way" and announce to the bar that the music is to make me comfortable.

When your friend asks me what music would I like to dance to, and I answer "In this bar? Copperhead Road", don’t try to convince him that black girls always answer what they think white men want them to answer because the good ones are raised that way.

And lastly, to make me content beyond my wildest dreams, don’t let your friends drag you out of arms reach as I am unleashing fists of fury upon your face for proclaiming to the bar, "Whoever broke this darkie in, did real good. I’ll let you know how good later."

(After the bouncers threw him and his friends out, the barkeep refunded my money, and gave me and my friends free drinks the rest of the night in apology. I went back to the bar the next night to find he was banned for a week, and I had a new nickname of Copperhead. Not for the dance, but for my fists."

oh god i just found another one from her:

Do not write your phone number on my homework while whispering, "In case you need help, I understand this is a hard subject."

Do not be upset that I never call.

Do not call me a bitch when you come over to my seat, ask why I didn’t call, and I hold up my graded homework that shows your number blacked out, and a grade of "A".

Do not ask me for "tutoring" in the same subject you offered to tutor.


The Devil’s Wallpaper

Posted: September 25th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

guess which repub covered her mayor’s office with THIS! (illegally, of course, i mean it’s no fun if it’s legal)

http://static1.firedoglake.com/30/files//2008/09/yeehaw_damask1.jpg

i feel so bad for the dude that was mayor after her. geoff described it as annie oakley wallpaper lol

i feel like it totally encapsulates her paradigm. if only it had jesus pointing a gun at a polar bear on it, it would be perfect.


Bailout Satire, Shitpile, Fuck: The Human Oddysey

Posted: September 24th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | 2 Comments »

[url]http://www.thenation.com/blogs/jstreet/363133/bailout_satire
[/url]
lol

i also suggest visiting the buy my shitpile website.
after reading http://www.truthout.org/article/mccain-and-pow-cover-up for a while, i need some laughs. if anyone has any good political cartoons
(or any other kind, this is not the time to be picky) post them!

http://www.buymyshitpile.com/taxonomy/term/164

Fuck: The Human Oddysey. Don’t know what to think of it. But I like.

[url]http://www.chrisbeetles.com/exhibition/1044/FUCK:_THE_HUMAN_ODYSSEY-AN_EXHIBITION_OF_ARTWORK_FROM_THE_BOOK_BY_MICHAEL_ROWSON

[/url]

someone please make me laugh before i cry

http://www.cagle.com/politicalcartoons/

numbing_helps.jpg


Palin baby name generator

Posted: September 19th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

Hello, I’m Torpedo Vindicator Palin.

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html


tina fey/amy poehler as palin/clinton !!!!!

Posted: September 15th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

yeah, hillary must be fucking pissed.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-09-14-must-see-tina-fey-and-amy-poehler-do-sarah-palin-and-hillary-clinton-on-snl snlspan.jpg


Joe Biden fact check…

Posted: September 12th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

Click on "pants on fire"

I think he’s pretty accurate…

http://politifact.com/truth-o-meter/personalities/joe-biden/


Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin!!

Posted: September 11th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/61410aa4ff

holy fuck. hilarious.

if she shoots you in the face, it’s because she was aiming for it!


cops and more of our intrepid fox reporter

Posted: September 4th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | 1 Comment »

Denver police know what time it is!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXu_PdZdKmQ&feature=related

And so does everyone else, apparently…

Our intrepid fox reporter has taken precautions this time:

http://www.observer.com/2008/media/fox-news-gets-griff

And I don’t mean speedos…


Fox Reporter in an Anarchist Protest of Demcon

Posted: August 26th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | No Comments »

BAHAHAHAHAHA!

I can’t post videos in here for some reason, so here’s a link to where you can find the video.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-08-26-eff-fox-news

Reporter: What is your message?
Someone Finally Answers Him: Stop Torture, Stop the War
Reporter: Do you hate freedom?
*Reporter is swallowed by mob*

Or something like that. oh lord.


Scorned Ladies do the Damndest Things…

Posted: August 21st, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | 1 Comment »

http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2008/08/hell-hath-no-fury-scorned-women-of-day.html